It's been a while since I've posted a blog! Y'all will have to forgive me.. Every time I sit down to write, I either get started on something I think isn't blog worthy and then never finish it or I just can't seem to get started. I've had writer's block for a while now (or my own version of such). Sometimes it's really hard to find inspiration or even enough (self)trust. This is the internet, after-all... I mean, I know it's not like thoughts I've typed are naked pictures or anything ;). It's just hard to find a perfect balance of candidness and preservation with a splash of culpability. I used to be such an avid blogger. I would write/post all the time. I haven't felt inspired since my Xanga was deleted :(! Actually, the more I think about it, that's exactly where this story begins...
Once upon a time, I was a lonely, little girl in Arkansas and the internet was this amazing tool I could use to express my juvenile emotion. Coming of age, I was a dancer and a camp counselor when one summer someone mentioned 'LiveJournal' to me. I thought to my 13yr-old-self "I love journals! I have many! What could make them better?". Little did I know!!!! Fast forward a few years later, I've got a LiveJournal, a Xanga and a budding Porn Career. Before we got to this point, I would often post lengthy blogs about all kinds of good stuff!! Sex, Drugs, Religion and life in the age of the beginning of social media. Every word was so dire. Every dripping word.
I would post long entries about me doing naughty things and my natural reaction to such; sometimes even pics, ta boot! There was so much passion in those posts. I wanted the world to know who I was and what I was all about. I needed y'all to know. I needed y'all to know I was here; I was your lover from a distance. A young girl from the middle of the Bible Belt who needed the world to know I was here for your entertainment. I was born that way. It was my nature.
Feeling like such a grown woman with my independent spirit, fast-spreading hips and a unquenchable rhythm, I was dying to dance on every one of you. I would fall in love with the thought of you falling in love with me almost every day. The undeniable euphoria of an epic, once-in-a-lifetime, fast-paced lust. And the more this Jack Daniels settles in my blood and the longer this playlist shuffles, I'm realizing that's still the same. I still NEED to dance with every one of you. It's still my nature.
Now I'm 28, have had a video rated all-time #1 on all the porn tube sites for 6 years straight, and can't seem to squeeze a blog out to save my life. I've started typing all kinds of stuff about the good old days. At least 4 different entries I've started are memories of me and Faye and I'm pretty positive the next update will be one of them. A really, really good friend told me recently that there's no point in not posting those/hiding from them. They are me. They are STIll a very important part of this whole story and so y'all need to know them.
So be it...